Jump Around (FFFFP #9)

“When it makes the mannequin look frumpy…” my current visitor trailed off, over the last glass of rosé at dinner, “…maybe it is not the best outfit choice,” I completed her thought.

Although I have been lax in my documentation of the sometimes garish and dumbfounding fashion in Paris as of late, ample inspiration parades around the city daily, revealing more and more skin as summer heats up. Themes of the season are emerging: gladiator sandals are still all the rage, some featuring wickedly sharp (and high) heels that look more like weaponry than fashion; linen any(every)thing, which has become a favorite of mine, unless it is white and then I cannot help but play the “What color panties today?” game; and, most unfortunately, the jumpsuit (in plaid?!).

Similar to other hot “retro” fashions (*cough* Hammer pants *cough*), I am having a hard time understanding why this piece, in particular, has come back in style. Even the tallest, thinnest girls have a hard time looking great, when the legs (and, most unfortunately, the inseam) are constantly being pulled up by fitted shoulders or a halter-top. To be fair, I do have to pause and thank someone sincerely for at least removing the shoulder pads (and, I have to say, loving the pink kitten heels).

To counteract the unfortunate tugging, this season many pantsuits are baggy. And strapless. Um, wrong choice. It was the saggy, slouchy, elasticized abomination that sparked the quote from tonight’s dinner that was the inspiration for this post. It is so true. If clothing does make the ideal proportions of a mannequin look frumpy, I am pretty sure it will look lumpy on me (and the vast majority of other mere mortals).

What really took the cake, however, was this:

Hammerpants + jumpsuit = choking on my foie gras. Even the cutting edge Parisiannes who would mock me for being so conservative and prudish must to pause at this ensemble. Right? God, I hope so.

Note: I realized in putting this together that almost all of my photos of what I consider reedunkulous fashion are taken from the same store window. Karmically (and, perhaps, practically) I should never shop there…

6 responses to “Jump Around (FFFFP #9)

  1. Thank goodness you’re not going to be watching the 4th of July parade in Coronado tomorrow. The OB Geriatric Surf Club fashions would really make you choke on your foie gras! Love your writing.

    • researchingparis

      I would be delighted to be at the parade!! Whatever the fashion statements. In fact, I’ve been thinking long and hard about giving up this column, because I feel that I am really not that judgmental of a person. Just confused and dumbfounded by clothing choices… But sometimes it just needs to be talked about. Like a plaid covered elephant in the room 🙂

  2. Wow. So, “factory worker chic” is summer’s hottest look? Okay.

  3. I agree with Amanda – except for the shoes, that chick in the Métro looks like she’s headed to work… in the sewers.

    Also, replace “frumpy” with “whorish,” and I’ve said the exact same thing about many of the “fashions” for sale on my old street.

    Which reminds me, I saw a really good one in a store window the other day. Will have to pass it along. And learn how to transfer photos from my new phone. 🙂

    • researchingparis

      I am with you both. At first glance (and with the Leroy Merlin bag – France’s answer to Home Depot x Pier 1 Imports), I thought she was doing home improvements – but the kitten heels threw me for a loop. The fact that I have seen similar Dickies-esque fashion statements since then points to this being a conscious outfit decision, rather than coveralls. Unfortunately…

  4. Pingback: Weekly Travel Theme – Gaudy | Researching San Diego

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